Day 25 - Submitted

Well, my short story is submitted, for better or for worse. I have a few days before I can post it up, but I'm pretty certain it was not my finest work. I feel like it had a problem with pacing, but also there is no character development. I guess there wouldn't be in a tale of a woman running from her own "ghosts" honestly. 

I only had one reader this time, as my other beta readers were very busy not reading stories for silly competitions. I guess that's why I feel pretty worried about the story this time. I don't really have much in the way of feedback. My hubby said he didn't have a problem with the pacing, explained he thought the ramped up elements were really good, and thought it was enjoyable. I'm not holding my breath for top 5 this time. I wish I had a bit more confidence about it.

On the note of yesterday's post, I went to the doc today to get some antibiotic eye drops for my conjunctivitis. My vision is super blurry today, so I've been useless pretty much. Hubby and a friend are outside building a temporary dog fence and I feel bad I can't help. My face already feels burnt after being out there for 30min overseeing operations.

Decided to come in in the air con. Cuz it's super hot out there. I go out momentarily to refill their water bottles and test the security of the fence. 

They're doing an amazing job. Can't wait to pick up my little girl next weekend. :)

Day 24 - Change of Mind

Sooo I woke up this morning with conjunctivitis. Turns out it's another side effect of Accutane. So I'm going to stop taking it for a week and then go back down to every other day again. It's not worth it to just bring it forward. I'm still not a fan of this stuff. Ughhh...

Nearly changed our minds about the puppy too. We nearly took both puppies. haha But the glory of the internet stopped us. After an hour of research, I decided against it. It shouldn't have taken that long, as all 20 hits on google for "2 puppies instead of 1" said "Don't do it" or "What were you thinking?"

It is a beautiful idea. Get two puppies so neither are lonely. But the cons really outweighed the pros. Pack mentality, twice the cost, twice the poo and separate training/playtime sessions. That's just a bit too much for us. 

Soooo we're getting her on Friday. I am so excited. 

Now if only I could get rid of this conjuctivitis, I'd be super duper happy. haha (certainly don't enjoy getting illnesses during my vacation time. hah)

Day 23 - Damn

Well, damn. I thought I had clicked publish on my post yesterday, but it seems I clicked only save. So now it looks like I missed a day when I really really didn't.

So after years of begging and 2 and a half months of nagging, I am finally getting a puppy. I did a fair bit of research about the type of dog that would be perfect for me. Turns out there were a lot, but I decided on a mutt: American Bulldog cross Staffordshire Terrier. 

We're meeting the last of the litter tonight, and choosing which one we like better. I'm really quite excited about it, so I naturally didn't get much sleep (not to mention the previous article issues still plaguing me). We can't take her until next Friday, because we're going away for a few days next week, but I have a few days off after giving me that extra time to get her trained a bit.

One of the main reasons we've delayed getting a dog is our fences. We went through the big QLD Floods back in 2011 and our fences are a bit rotten, as they were wooden. So  we decided a big dog would not be a good choice. A medium sized dog would probably be a better option, as we aren't big fans of little dogs (except Pugs, cuz who can hate a Pug!).

So we looked for staffies, bulldogs, kelpies and border collies.

Our old PT had a litter of puppies from her purebred American Bulldog and Staffy, and they seemed perfect to me. I thought for sure she'd have sold them by now, as they were all so beautiful, but two days ago she posted that two girls were still for sale. One with black patches on both eyes and the other white with black patches on her ear and bum. Hubby decided he wanted the former, and a quick phone call to her later, she's decided to bring both over so we can see for ourselves which we prefer. I honestly think it's because whichever puppy is left is going to another friend of hers, and I bet they want the same one we do. 

We have a tall fence, but our gate is actually quite short. So we're setting up a temporary fence to block her getting out and then buying the parts for a real gate in the near future. This weekend will be spent setting up the temporary one and then going out on Australia Day to our mini holiday. We'll collect whichever one we choose tonight on Friday afternoon after we return.

Now I'll be a mother of three, with my two cats, cuz hubby and I can't have children. So this'll be the closest I'll ever come. ^_^

Day 22 - Accutane

I finished my first draft yesterday, so today the chopping and polishing begins. I wish I was more dedicated to it this morning, but instead I'm just exhausted. Thursdays always seem to be the most tiresome day. Only two more days, but you're already thinking about the sleep in you can have on Saturday. For me, though, mine is from waking up so much last night.

I have the tiniest of hayfever symptoms. I've been sneezing for about a week now, naturally then having to blow my nose. So breathing is a little hard of a night. Relieved for a few minutes but then I wake up.

Normally this tiny issue doesn't really give me any problems sleeping, but I'm on a daily dose of Accutane. So it is much worse.

I've been on Accutane for a year now. I was supposed to be slowly raising the dosage. I started on 20mg every other day, then at 3 months, I was meant to be on 20mg every day, and then at 6 months, I was meant to be at 40mg a day.

I got to the 3 month mark and moved up to daily. I was super sick to my stomach for weeks. It wasn't until a month had passed that I realised it must have been from the meds. I did some research on the internet (yeah... bad idea) and found it was a common complaint. So I stopped the med altogether for a couple of weeks. When I started to feel better, I went back to an every other day routine.

When I went back to my dermatologist, he acknowledged my need to move back down to this and agreed it was the right course of action. My normal blood work for it came back fine, though, and he said that if I wanted to go back to daily, I could. I was not sold on the matter, so I just spent the first year doing every other day (when I remembered at all).

The new year came, and I decided it was time to try daily doses again. So I have been doing it since the start of the month. I immediately had the chapped lips that comes with a dose this size. Dry skin came next, so I moisturise daily. As long as I do, I have no issues. I started getting dry eyes last week, so I have to keep tear drops around.

But this week I started having issues with these allergies. My nose has gone dry now too. It is very unpleasant. They are cracked and painful inside the nostrils, and bloody. It only occured to me last night after the second wake that it was from the Accutane. I looked up the information leaflet for the drug and found that with a certainty dry nose is one of the side effects. Oh goodie!

Hopefully the dry nose won't be so bad when my allergies go away, cuz another 1 1/2 - 2 years of this will kill me. 

I did feel a bit sick to my stomach yesterday, but I'm going to just assume that was from my IBS. Fingers crossed it is! I'll keep going until my 3 monthly visit and have my liver tested while I'm actually on this dosage. If it has changed in the slightest, I'm going back to every other day. 

This stuff is so very toxic, but I really hope I can finish the course so I don't have to worry about acne ever again. 

Day 21 - Distracted

This week has been one big distraction. I haven't completed my short story, and I am starting to think I need to overhaul the whole thing. My days are so long, and I have so many things that I need to do during the day.

Yesterday, my excuse was being distracted by my healthy lifestyle. The 12 week challenge is fast approaching, and I need to make sure I'm ready for that. So instead of writing last night, I did that in between watching Scorpion. 

Today, I got up early so I could work on something for my boss. He's asked me to make up a sign, and admittedly it's been a month since he asked me. I couldn't get Photoshop to load for ages, and then when I finally did, it didn't recognise the font I wanted to use. All around annoyance. So I have caught a later train in hopes to have this completed. It wouldn't have been up to my standards anyway, but all that time wasted. Not to mention catching a train that will only get me to work on time to start working. So I won't have time to make my breakfast and tea and bcaa drink. hah First world problems...

So the goal now is to have the first draft done today, and then I'll be working on polishing it. Wooooo... No more getting distracted. >.>

Day 20 - Water is life

This morning, I woke up with a headache. I'm not using it as an excuse to not write, and that's one step closer to making this a daily habit. On top of that is that yesterday I did not want to work out, but I did it anyway. Won't say I went hard, because I didn't, but I burned 300 calories I otherwise wouldn't have.

Something that I haven't managed to make a habit yet, though, is drinking water. And that would explain the headache. Dehydration is a nasty business, and with the humidity yesterday, I should have probably had 3 litres. Instead, I scraped by with 1lt or so.

So that brings me to my subject today. The importance of water, or Water is Life, for those Dune fans out there. ;)

Many people discount the necessity of water, and that is what hinders progress in diets and healthy living. Now doctors will tell you to drink at least 2-3 litres of water a day, and this is true. But you can use tea and supplements for this. I have 600mL of water with a BCAA every day. Breaking the monotony can be important. If you are working out or sweating through the day, that number should go closer to 3lt minimum. This will also depend on your weight and size. I'm smallish, so I can get away with 3lt during days that I sweat a lot, but my husband would need 4 to thrive.

Water is necessary for digestion and absorption of food. If you drink a glass of water an hour before your meal, you will eat less food, thus lowering your calorie-intake. Certain times of the day this is a struggle. Especially in the morning, when it is important to kickstart your metabolism, but you also have to remember you have likely not had anything to drink for 10-12 hours. So it is important to have. If doing a workout first thing in the morning, a protein shake with water before you start will actually help give you energy and give you the hydration you need. 

Water will also help to regulate temperature, blood circulation and oxygen through your body. All of these elements are essentially water-based. The water in your body keeps your temperature down by make us our own refrigerator. Your body sweat works as a natural air conditioner. 

The most undervalued part thing is that drinking water helps with fat metabolism. When you drink more water, you burn fat more often. This is due to the liver and kidneys. Your liver is actually meant to remove all the crap in your body, but when you do not drink enough water, your kidneys aren't able to do what they need to. The liver takes over the functions of the kidney to assist, and thus cannot do its own functions. Drinking more water means that the kidneys can do their job, and therefore the liver can as well.

So drink more water! Then you might not wake up with headaches. >_>

Day 19 - Routine

I got on the train today and straight away brought out my ipad. My thoughts going towards the story that I should be writing. But as soon as I opened up my tablet, I pressed the blogger app. That means this has become routine. That's a good thing!

I read a really great quote the other day that writers should not wait for inspiration to start writing. Instead it should just be habit - a part of your day. Granted this weekend I did not write for long. My Friday and Saturday posts were short and insignificant, but I still did them. 

I'm halfway through my short story at this point. My mind could not focus at all yesterday, and I struggled. The story is solid and not the problem. I was the problem. So today's goal is to get another 500 words written, if not more. And because of that, this post will not be long. I thought I'd use this time to write the title and synopsis.

For the first time in forever, I have a story title all ready to go: The Road to Redemption.

Synopsis: Eva is running from something, on an indirect course to Mexico. The road trip has been long and uneventful, but now something else has found her along the way. Will they help her reach redemption or deliver revenge?

And that only took me 10 attempts to get right. Eh... not quite right yet. I'll keep polishing it.

Day 18 - Sickness

I woke up this morning with a stuffy nose, sore throat and feeling like my body had been hit by a truck. And here all I was expecting was a hangover. No hangover, so yay for that! But omg, could this come at a worse time.

I have a rough outline for my story now, for the challenge, so I'm going to work a little bit on it today. I ideally want a first draft before the day finishes, but at the rate I'm going, it might be the roughest first draft I've ever written.

The funny thing about ghost stories is that their themes are consistently unoriginal, and the more I try and walk away from the conventions, the more my story won't read like a ghost story. I remember in the flash fiction challenge, my story (horribly titled 8-Bit Folly) scored better than another story that I thought was better. Except his did not stick with the standard ghost story themes. His ghost story was about a man who died playing a game of Galaga. When he woke from his death, he could see the arcade, and the game he was playing. He decided he needed to finish this game. And as he did, he realised he had wasted his life and left the mortal plane both fulfilled and unfulfilled. It was a nicely written story, and it had that hint of regret that ghost stories often had. But it was not really a ghost story. It had a ghost feature prominently in it, but that was not enough. He didn't score any points. My flawed story about a haunted arcade scored 11 points. I was 4th place that round. And if I had fixed some of the things that had haunted me about the story, I could have possibly scored 1st. 

So all of this is in the back of my mind, hoping I can find that fine line between original and conventional. Fingers crossed the conventions I do use (handprints on windows, foul weather, etc) are not too cliche. 

Fingers crossed it doesn't suck!

Day 17 - party

As promised, I had a birthday party today, so now I'm drunkenly penning this post. Thank goodness for swipe on my phone!  Hehe!  I have received my first round selections for the nyc midnight short story challenge. This time I have a ghost story with a road trip subject and a character of a school teacher. I have a couple of ideas already, but one in particular that I feel would be the best so tomorrow that is what I'll be working on. Nearly forgot to post today. But managing in the 11th hour. Literally!  Go me! ^_^

Day 16 - Birthday

Well, it's my birthday!!!! It's been a fabulous day, so I don't have time to write much. Just that today marks 34 years on this earth. I'm just about halfway through my life now, and I'm both okay and devastated about that. Here's to another 34 years!  haha

Day 15 - Adult Acne

Today, I had a dermatologist appointment. It's my 4th one in the span of a year, as I'm currently on a medication for adult acne.

Since I was 18, I have struggled with acne. It turned really bad at 18-19, so I went to the doctor about it. He subscribed me Accutane and told me it was sort of experimental. I think since then, it was stopped in the States. I was on it for 6 months, and suddenly I stopped having my monthlies. It was a toxic substance, and I stopped taking it. 

I just resigned myself to having it, because it was the US and going to the doctor all the time was too costly for me. When I moved to Australia at 25, my acne was between just constant and bad. At 26, my husband agreed it was time to go to the dermatologist, because it was just getting worse.

I had a nice South African dermatologist that put me on Roaccutane. It cost over $200 for a 60 day supply, and because I complained about the side effects of the US version, he put me on birth control. But after 6 months, he suddenly left the country, and it left me with no dermatologist. Since it was so costly a venture, I just decided to stop again.

Then just over a year ago, my acne got very bad again. I got cystic acne, and it was both painful and unsightly. So I went back to my GP and was assigned a new dermatologist. He put me on Oratane (yet another version of the two I'd already taken). So far he's been very patient. Because I had issues in the first try and didn't complete enough the second time around to make sure there weren't side effects, he had me do a 20mg dosage every other day for months, and tried to ease me into every day after that. I started getting sick to my stomach, so I stepped myself back to every other day again, and he was happy to do that. I still have another 18months before I will be off it, and while I am, I have to be very careful about the amount of sun I have. And I have to get blood tests every 3 months. 

One major side effect of this medicine is liver failure, so it takes a heap of monitoring to make sure it doesn't happen to me. 

Once this is all over, I have to undergo surgery to help remove all the scarring. I'm hoping once it's done, I'll look normal! I can't remember a time when I did. Even in high school, I would get random pimples. 

As an adult with acne, my self esteem has always been quite low. When I first meet people, I wonder if that's the only thing they see. My face is always red, even now, and there's this common misconception that people with acne aren't clean. Yet, I would spend 10-20 minutes a night cleaning my face. It's one of the most frustrating things. But on top of my acne, I have seborrhea, which sometimes breaks out as well. Red patches across my forehead and neck make me even more unsightly. 

So I hope that someday, I will look in the mirror and just see a smooth face. That would be a dream come true!

Day 14 - Closer

In two day's time, I celebrate a birthday. Not really an extraordinary one, as it doesn't end in 0 or 5. Saturday, I have a BBQ party planned with all my gaming buddies, and I also have a story to start writing on Saturday. The NYC Midnight Short Story Challenge starts, and I have 8 days to write something. So my time here may be slashed a bit while I try and polish the 2500 word story I need to write. 

But last week had me reminiscing a little while. In two day's time, it will also be the anniversary of my grandfather's passing. His death had a profound effect on my grief process. Sooo in preparation for Saturday/Sunday, I'm going to write a tiny story of the event, as I haven't stopped thinking about it for a week now.

I woke up Monday January 16, with joy in my heart. Not only was it my birthday, but it was also a school holiday for Martin Luther King, Jr Day. I had a day off, and we were moving. Growing up in this dingy two-bedroom house, I was really happy to see it go. Daddy had planned on having us out by the end of the day. His minivan was seatless so he could fit more stuff in it. 

I still remember the house looking both empty and dirty. We didn't pack everything, and so much was just still lying all over the house. It made the move feel less real. My goal was to do some packing today and just enjoy this event. And in the grand tradition of my life, I wasn't exactly expecting anything major for my birthday. It fell too close to Christmas anyway, so there was never enough money to give me anything.

At 9am, I get called into the kitchen. Daddy has been talking on the phone for the past 20 minutes, but I could never hear what he was saying. He asked me to sit down, and said, "I have your birthday present for you. Give me your hand."

So I pull out my hand, and he places a piece of paper on it. I read it, confused. It was a phone number.

"That's your phone number at the new house," he smiled.

And for the first time in my life, I was ecstatic. So many unbelievable opportunities. So many calls that could be made and enjoyed. I embraced him. It was a great gift. In a time before cell phone popularity, your own phone number was so chic. No fear of parents listening in on your calls, etc. 

Less than an hour later, we get a phone call. Daddy came in our bedroom and just said we needed to go right now. So we all dropped what we were doing and loaded ourselves in the van. The van with no seats in it. 

Daddy locked up, and as he was returning to the car, our neighbor was walking past from his morning jog. He called him over and told him his father had just died. We were headed to the nursing home he lived in.

And that's how I was told... that my grandfather has passed on my birthday.

We arrived at the nursing home, and Grandma was there. She saw me, and instantly grabbed me to cry on my shoulders. She told me some fake story that he said my nickname before he passed, but I was numb to her stories by now. Grandma had always had a flare for the dramatic, but today it would be in full overkill mode.

I was asked to look at him, but I didn't want to. So they rolled his body away and we spent 30 long minutes in the nursing home as they did everything they needed to. Grandma spent the whole time holding my hand, dragging me around everywhere. Telling all the nurses and patients about my experience. 

When I was certain it was over, I found out it was far from it. Grandma opened her house for everyone to come say their condolences, and came they did. Half the people I didn't know. The other half were members of the church and distant-to-not-distance family. Every time the door would ring, I'd be pulled to the door with Grandma, explaining how it was so sad that he died on my birthday.

I was grieving, but I never had time to grieve in my own way. And it took hours before we left the house. We spent our first night in the new home, since all the furniture was there. Mom & Dad had taken some of our clothes to the new house, so the next day, it was easy enough to resume our lives. But all I remember of the day was being dragged around as a part of Grandma's story. 

Around an hour after we arrived at her house, though, Grandma brought me my birthday present. It was a ring box with a gold ring and a large garnet stone in it. On the card attached, it said, "With love, From Grandpa & Grandma."

It was the first time I had time to cry all day, and I did for a moment before the first doorbell rang. And after that, I wasn't able to.

So from this day forth, I have needed space when someone passes away. It has been something that I think I will always need.

I wore his ring for nearly 20 years, until last week. One of the feet broke slightly that held the gemstone in place. I won't have it fixed, but I nearly lost the stone last week. So it's now sitting a ring box on my shelf. I will just have to remember him every day without it.

Day 13 - Results

On Sunday, I woke up and did my fortnightly weigh-in. I won't next weekend, due to my need to feel like I'm making actual progress. I was slightly disappointed by the scales, though. I lost 800g (approx 1.75lb) in a week. I gained some in my hips but lost only a few millimeters off my chest and waist. I was very disappointed.

But I have to remind myself of a few simple facts. 500g-1kg loss a week is healthy. It means I'm not starving myself, but I have enough of a calorie deficit every day to lose weight. And after only a week, I reduced my body fat by .5%. It's not an enormous amount, but I'm still easing into it. I'm not killing myself yet, in the gym, but I've raised my activity level from sedantary all day to 40-60min active. And I did that 5 days straight.

I'm well on my way to my goals, at this rate.

So  I thought today I'd analyse the expectation of big weight loss. We all expect it, but we also understand that big loss is unhealthy. My husband does it all the time. He drops the bundle when he realises that he isn't losing what he expected, but every time I remind him that it's the measurements that matter. If anything is smaller, it's because he's put on muscle. Or ask him if he's been perfect on his diet. His biggest problem is sweets. He loves them, and they are readily available to him every day of the week at work. So he justifies eating it because he's done a big workout in the morning and doing another at night. We're not dogs. We do not deserve a treat because we were good. That sugar gets burned before fat does, and so all he is doing is negating his workout.

But on top of that, modern television makes it seem you can lose big weight in a short period of time. Biggest Loser is a TV show that pretty much perpetuates that. But also just watch ads. You have diet pills, soup maker soup diets, Ninja or Bullet smoothie diets, etc. They all report massive weight loss in short periods of time. But how much of that is actually true? Cracked.com had a story last year about the men and women that were paid to loss that weight very quickly. For the most part, these people did things unassociated with whatever they were advertising because they would help them get better results. The before pictures are generally years ago or before said people already started getting their health in check. There are no regulations for advertising for these companies, but they create a false perception.

Working out and eating right are the only safe ways to lose weight. Sure, you can use supplements to help the process along, and every now and then you can have a big week, like 2kg, but for the most part, that 500g to 1kg is fantastic.

This week I'm adding breakfast back into my diet (was having protein shakes), which has increased my saturated fat for each day. But I've also increased my water consumption. I had just 2.5lt yesterday, which is about 1lt more than usual. And I did two workouts. A high intensity cardio one (seriously, who gives themselves burpees... oh right. Me.) and a casual 4.5km walk. In total I burned 750 calories, consumed 1320, so I had an 800 calorie deficit for the day. I will probably not maintain that this week, as my dinners cost less or more depending on what they are. But if I maintained that, I will likely lose around 1kg this week.

The trick is that I will not weigh in this week. Every other week. That way I can see proper numbers and can't get too disappointed again.

Day 12 - Unfocused

I'm a bit tired today. It's Monday, so I guess it's to be expected (see last Monday's post re: details). From today onwards, I will be missing my morning workout because I'm going to work now. I have shift work, but nothing obscene. 7am to 340pm. It's a great time slot. Home before dark. I'll be able to cook dinner and workout (usually not in that order), and I may even be able to go do a couple of classes that my PTs do. I probably won't yet, but the option is there.

This weekend was so full. I spent Saturday morning with a friend that needed me, and then spent Saturday night with another friend that needed me. It was a good day, except I got nothing done around the house. So Sunday turned into cleaning, cooking, shopping and clothes day. I also went out for a run with my friend from Saturday morning. It was great, though I wanted to keep running but she couldn't. So I just hung back with her and had a chat. 

Yesterday I honestly thought I was going to have to cancel the run. My left foot ankle is swollen  and hurts when I walk on it. I've had it before. It's associated with a tibial, or something like that. Last time I had it, it stopped me running for a month. I can't afford to be out of commission for that long, so I'm going to be icing it up for a week every night and take some anti-inflammatory to make it less painful.

The funny thing is that I didn't even have any issues during my run yesterday. Before and after, yes, but during, I felt great! Weird body.

Anyway, today I'm unfocused on this blog, so that's why it's been relegated to a journal again. Hopefully tomorrow I'll have something interesting to talk about. At least I did my part and  did it. =^.^=

Day 11 - Habits

I've mentioned before on this, that I met my husband on World of Warcraft 10 years ago. I moved to Australia just under 9 years ago now, and I couldn't be happier with my decision. I live in a land even more free than the US, and I am really blessed to have that. 

Before I moved out here, WoW was my outlet from my real life. I was in a miserable state, and I felt like I was part of something in WoW. I could be another person. In fact, I was a guy to my guild for months before I finally had to talk. I created as manly a character I could so that I wouldn't be harassed. It worked, but then one day I knew I would have to talk to the other people. So I decided to finally tell the guild I was a girl. The Guild Leader was surprised, but it never stopped him from talking to me.

In fact, he talked to me all the time. Him and 3 other guys. Turned out, in November, when an offer to join another guild came up, I found out the GL had feelings for me. And then it was a roller coaster ride. I stuck with him, and eventually up and moved to be with him.

Between now and then, I have pretty much continued to play WoW. There was a short period of time in 2009, 2011, and almost all of 2013 that I stopped playing altogether. But I always came back. It was a habit.

I wouldn't call it an addiction, but it can be. I don't play to escape anything now. I play because of my guild, and because the game has created a type of repetition to it. If you don't log in every day, you lose out on resources, you can't gear up followers to give you better gear, and you can't do your crafting (which has to be done daily if you want to be able to make anything). 

So you log in out of habit, and that's about as close to an addiction as they come. 

Recently, I've been realising that during the time I got my fittest, I was not playing WoW. The habit was to wake up in the morning, and do a workout, and then go do another workout in the afternoon before dinner and TV or reading or playing another game. Granted, there have been many other things that have stopped me from being this way, but it just so happens that all of it coincides with WoW.

So I'm going to be taking a break from it from Saturday onwards next week. I have my Short Story Competition happening from Saturday for a week, so I will be working on that. And then I have a birthday trip to see some amazing rainforests. And after that, I will decide if the break was something that does me good. I would much rather only log in once or twice a week to see all my friends. Cuz in all honesty, that's what keeps me there. The community. If that was gone, I'd be gone in a heartbeat. But since it isn't, I do like to chat with them and play with them. 

But time will tell. I just need to break this habit and replace it with the healthier one. ^_^

Day 10 - Nostalgia

I've been playing games since I was 6 years old. I'm not the best gamer out there. In fact, I'd probably say, at this point, I'm not even a true gamer. I don't play enough to count as one. I'll play just about everything. I know my strengths, though, and I certainly know my weaknesses. So I don't tend to play any sports, strategy or survival horrors. The latter of these I will always attempt, but I'm just not very good at them. Not observant enough or too observant. My favourite genre, though, is RPG, and that's almost generalised to JRPG.

When I was 6, I didn't understand the significance of Dragon Quest and Final Fantasy. They were just really fun games to me. I was wrapped up in a story and the characters I had chosen to play with. I didn't finish either game, but when the SNES came out, Final Fantasy II (IV) came out, and I just about beat that game. I got to the moon, and then accidentally saved over my game with my brother's or dad's (I can't remember). So I never finished it until I was an adult.

The fact is I love turn-based games, and I never saw a problem with playing that way. I continue to play them without caring too much. There's a level of strategy involved. Granted, I love action games, and action RPGs. And I love the real time element. So when my favourite franchises take on some of that, I don't mind. I'm not a purist. I just like to play the games. Mostly for their stories... The stories for FFIV, VI, VII are some of the best I'll ever see. Chrono Trigger is a personal favourite, but the sequel Chrono Cross was enjoyable too. 

There was a point in the history of JRPGs that things started to turn a bit south. Mainly because Square seemed to dominate the market for it, and they went from making great stories with state-of-the-art graphics to making state of the art graphics games with a story somewhere in there. FFXII attempted to step away from the method, but it came out too late for me and looked really awful on the big screen when I did finally want to play it.

My Final Fantasy list goes something like this VI - IV - VII - I - IX - VIII - X. I never played II, III, or V. Why they never brought those games out at the time it was released in Japan, I'll never know. Super sad I haven't played them. Didn't finish XII or XIII. Didn't enjoy the MMOs. Loved Tactics Advance. Crystal Chronicles was too hard solo. So never got into them.

Anyway. The reason I'm talking about it, is because I'm currently playing Theatrhythm Curtain Call, and it's made me super nostalgic for the games of old. It's nice that a lot of these games have been re-released. But in the instance of V & VI, they have only been released on the crappy mobile port and they didn't even try to make the sprites look right. Other games like IX don't seem to even get mentioned or added anywhere. And Even though it's 5th on my list, it is still an amazing game! 

But additional to that, are the Mana series that lost its way. Secret of Mana and Legend of Mana are great games that never get any love. Chrono Trigger gets lots of love, but its sequel, Chrono Cross, barely gets mentioned. The music for all of these games are amazing too. Nobuo Uematsu is the best composer, but Mitsuda from these others is almost as great! 

The tragedy is that Square pretty much exists thanks to its back catalog, and sometimes they focus too much on it. But other times they don't. Like with V and VI not being refreshed like III and IV. And IX not even released anywhere... well, not in Australia, at least. Maybe it is.. like Chrono Cross. pfft... Damn regions.

Maybe next time I write about this I'll take less a personal stance on it and more of a historical stance. It sorta deserves it.

Day 9 - Whinge Whinge

Today's post is just going to be a journal entry, cuz I can't see past my own ineptitude today.

I overslept this morning. I have been getting up around 4:45 all week to do my training, and then had enough time to catch my early train at 7:32. 

Turns out I didn't set my alarm today. I woke up around 4:15 and said, "I'll wake up in 30min anyway." I woke up an hour later. So I ummed and arred whether I should get up or just sleep a little longer, then catch an earlier train to work.

Nope. I decided to workout. So I got out to the gym at 5:25 and began. Because I was running behind, and because my heart rate monitor strap ran out of batteries yesterday, I decided to just to a run on the treadmill.

I had to stop twice because my shin splints came roaring back, and I didn't want to cause myself an injury. I finished on the treadmill and remembered I promised my boss I'd do something. I hadn't even done it yet, so I jumped on my computer as I cooled down. I have been tasked with creating a sign to put across the wall. A simple enough thing to do, but I have standards. I need it to look sensational!

Only thing is I reformatted my computer about 3 weeks ago and haven't reinstalled any graphics programs. So  I thought I'd do a trial of the new photoshop. I installed the new Adobe Cloud thing, and installed a the trial. Only, it took 45min to do. No worries, I should have 15min to do something anyway, so I take my shower and realised, "I haven't done my face washing regime!"

Every other night, I have gotten into the habit of doing a 10min cucumber face peel. So I did that after the shower. I look at my hair and cry in disgust, so I pull it back in a high ponytail. I hate my head so much by this point.

Then I go to make myself my shake for breakfast. The Ninja attachment I usually use hasn't been cleaned, and it smells of off milk. Pretty sure I'm not using that! So I grab a smaller attachment and find I don't have as much milk as I usually use. So I had about half a serving less than normal!

I drink my shake, and see my computer has finished the download. But it's been 10min now, so it's time to remove the face peel. In my rush to put it on I put it on too thick. It's all clumpy in parts and almost impossible to peel. So I decide to just remove it with a washcloth... That didn't work very well, but I had already started it. Now that it's wet, it definitely won't peel off. So I scrub it off with the wash cloth.

My already red face is now the colour of a tomato. And I don't own any makeup. So I just wash with my usual stuff and put on my moisteriser.

Now it's 7:25, and I still need to turn off my computer (no way I'm getting that project done today now), kiss my hubby and grab my things to leave. I leave at 7:30, so I miss my early train. 

At least I remembered to write today. I will make it to work on time, because the 7:32 train gets me to the office around 8:30, so this one is only 10 min later. Still enough time to be ready to do my job by 9am. Pretty sure I look like I just got out of bed...

So today has started great! The good news is that it's Friday! And now I'm finished whinging. :)

Day 8 - The Day That Almost Wasn't

So I'm on my trip home now and realised, "I didn't write this morning! There's still a post to make!"

I nearly forgot! Completely! I downloaded this food and exercise diary app for my phone this morning, and my entire trip to work was consumed by it. Then I thought of writing during my breaks today, but got consumed with consuming food. So this almost became the post that wasn't. Which equally means the day nearly wasn't.

My day has been tiresome, but I thought I'd change things up yet again. Storytime!

Eor'atc glanced down at the empty page. It was only one hour from midnight, and she has still not written a thing. She blinked her eyes sleepily, stretched, scratched her head, and pondered. It was unnatural for her to not be able to write anything. But her characters were lost to her. Her setting, usually bright and cheery, was dark and depressing. She could only guess it was because she had seemed to be blocked, but in her life, she could not remember once having this problem.

Something was wrong.

She felt like she was being watched.

Eor'atc jerked her head from side to side, trying to pinpoint the source, but she saw nothing. The feeling swelled in her, and panic filled her heart.

Pushing herself away from her desk, she got up and walked to all four corners of her room. When she found nothing, she decided to leave the room and walk among the hall. The colour of the doors in the corridor were all different. Hers was yellow, but there was a red, green, blue, and other shades as brilliant and meaningful.

Opening the red door, she could see her sister sitting at her desk, scratching her head. 

Eor'atc softly spoke, "Erso, can you write?"

Jumping around, Erso's contenance was shrouded in defeat. Tears rolled upon her cheeks, and she shook her head.

Eor'atc had never known her sister to cry. She was prickly being most of the time.

Something was definitely wrong.

WIth a cry, she stepped back into the hall and shouted. At the sound of her vibrato, the doors all slammed open. Then without waiting for the others to join her, she sprinted down the corridor. The rainbow-coloured door would hold all the answers. 

She pushed on the door and felt it attempt to give way, but it sent a jolt through her. 

"Come, sisters! Something is inside!"

Behind her hundreds of her sisters were gathered with her. Eor'atc at the front, they brought their arms up and then forward as if pushing something in front of them.

A guttoral sound echoed through the corridor. They had injured whatever oppressor was within.

Eor'atc pushed the door open. Inside lay their father, Eitm. Hovering above him was a shrouded figure. 

"Your rule is over!" it spat.

"You're wrong!" Eor'atc hissed. "I create you all! I can just uncreate you. Father Eitm may control your time in the world, but I can remove you from records, erase your past present and future."

"You can't do anything with him. There is no creation without time," the beast yelled back as he brought his arms up, revealing a sword.

Just as he thrusted down, Eor'atc sighed, "So be it."

Sisters backing her up, they cried out together, "Bye!"

A hole appeared behind him and sucked him in. As he cried out, his figure vanished inside; then, the hole snapped shut with a pop.

"We must hurry!" she cried out, turning to her sisters.

They hurried to the rooms, sat down at their desks, and wrote their stories. As the clock struck midnight, Eor'atc breathed a sigh of relief. "Let us remember this day... It was the day that almost wasn't!"

Then the creator of this world closed her eyes and slept.

Day 7 - Obsession with Fitness

Well, this is a record. I made it a full week. That's a positively great thing! Seriously, I think I may be really starting to enjoy this! In conjunction with my healthy habits and doing this, I am starting to feel a bit like my old self again. I still have a ways to go, but I'm well on my way there.

Today, I wanted to think a little more about this obsession with fitness that seems so prevalent these days. I think it's due to programs such as Biggest Loser, that people are starting to go down the healthy lifestyle route. The problem with Biggest Loser and those of its ilk is that it actually quite dangerous to have such dramatic weight loss every week. And your body rejects it. If you look at any of the winners a year after they won, they have put weight on. The funny thing about losing weight is you have to maintain it. But even more than that is that at a certain point, the less body fat % you have, the unhealthier you feel. For women, anything under 15% body fat means you pretty much stop having your monthlies. That's not exactly a healthy thing. 

My goal is to get around 20% or maybe just around 18% if I can get myself to feel good doing it. But this means a lot of work. In fact, I think the best I ever got to was around 21-22%. An injury put me out of commission right after that point, and I never dropped anymore.

This next month, I'm going to do the Maxine's 12 Week Challenge. 

My expectations are to lose approximately 10% body fat. At the moment, I'm around 38%. I don't care as much about the weight, because that automatically will change. But ideally, I'd like to be one dress size smaller with that. I have no desire to get as super ripped as the the photo here.

This is my ideal. Women have to do a lot of work to look muscley so I'm definitely not going to be one of those women.

At the moment my biceps look like the first picture here, and I want to look like the second. I know it can be done, because I've done it. And I wasn't even lifting heavy. Just a part of my exercise regime.

The fun thing about working out though, is that you are inevitably going to have an injury at some point. It depends on the injury, but if you're smart, then it will be fairly minor. I am the worst at remembering to stretch properly after a workout and doing active stretching before a workout. I suffer from achilles tendonitis, bursitis in the hips, a congenital fusion in my neck, a slight scoliosis of the spine, and costocondritis. The last of these are the reason I stopped working out last year, but after multiple tests and nothing to cure it, I have decided that I'll just work through it as I do the rest. I get shin splints when I run, though sometimes it's worse than other days. But when I was my fittest, I just pushed through all of these things, and I managed fine. The key is stretching, frequent rolling out on a massage roller, and physio/massages. I'll have a massage once a month now, and I have set a reminder for myself to do stretches of a night time while I watch TV.

But for the challenge, I have to remember the most important part is the food. I am cutting out sugar completely. No fruit for the 12 months. No soft drinks, etc. And I will have minimal grains. My protein shakes are already becoming a staple in my daily eating, and that will be super important to keep doing. I'm confident this challenge will be a winner for me! I'm so looking forward to it. And I'm not just making the change then. I'm setting myself for success by starting now.

Just ask my legs.... They burn from my workout this morning. I'd nearly forgotten how great that burn feels. And how hard it is to walk after one too. haha

Day 6 - Clinging to Darkness

I've hit 6 days now! In a row! It must be some kind of record! And that's even with a disaster yesterday. My original post got lost in the ether thanks to my iPad app. I went to find an image, and came back to a blank page. I was pretty devastated, cuz I was not quite able to replicate what I originally had. I still had fun writing it over again yesterday.

Today, much like yesterday, I thought about what I was going to write about on my drive to the train station. As soon as I get on the train, I bring out my ipad to start writing, so a plan of some sort is pretty useful. Since the whole point of this is to encourage me to write daily.

I was thinking about happiness. I'm generally a pretty happy person, I'd like to think. I have a lot of good things that keep me going through the I've hit 6 days now! In a row! It must be some kind of record! And that's even with a disaster yesterday. My original post got lost in the ether thanks to my iPad app. I went to find an image, and came back to a blank page. I was pretty devastated, cuz I was not quite able to replicate what I originally had. I still had fun writing it over again yesterday.

Today, much like yesterday, I thought about what I was going to write about on my drive to the train station. As soon as I get on the train, I bring out my ipad to start writing, so a plan of some sort is pretty useful. Since the whole point of this is to encourage me to write daily.

I was thinking about happiness. I'm generally a pretty happy person, I'd like to think. I have a lot of good things that keep me going through the day. I've had depression before, and I know the difference from being happy and being sad for long periods of time. But the question I pose myself now is what is true happiness? Is anyone really capable of it? Do we perceive ourselves as happy but others don't? Or are we just deluding ourselves?

Whenever I think of happiness, as a word, as a feeling, I think of this quote from The Hours:

"I remember one morning getting up at dawn, there was such a sense of possibility. You know, that feeling? And I remember thinking to myself: So, this is the beginning of happiness. This is where it starts. And of course there will always be more. It never occurred to me it wasn't the beginning. It was happiness. It was the moment. Right then."

It was powerful to me at the time I watched that movie, as I was in a dark place at the time. I had left uni to support my family financially, and the bills were mounting up. I had credit card debt that I could not see any light at the end of the tunnel for, and I was working at an unstable (hours-wise) job. I was clinging onto the memory of happiness, as if it were this far away thing. 

When I found happiness, I couldn't let go of the darkness, and I still do cling to it. Now I see it in my complaints. I complain all the time, but like to think I'm genuinely happy most of the time. I have a fine life here. I'm married to my best friend, and I don't want for much in my home. Granted, it's never enough. My house is too small, for one. But it's perfect for two people. It was flooded in 4 years ago, but I never left. I clung to it cuz it was mine. (Well, it's technically the bank's, but let's not get into logistics.)

My car is such a piece of crap. I never took proper care of it, so there's a tiny crack on the radiator, and it leaks water. I really want a new one. But I don't need a new one. I drive it 5min to my train station every morning and evening, and I occasionally drive it around time. I really wouldn't use it more if were a better car. It hasn't let me down completely yet, so I should be happy that I have a car that takes me to point a & b. And I am happy that we pay nothing towards our cars aside from the yearly registration, insurance and petrol. We are pretty lucky with that one.

I'm a happy person. Truly, I am.

I complain, though, about work, people, drivers on the road, the price of groceries, how much I want but can't have, about my weight and fitness level.

But I'm lucky. I have a job that I can completely walk away from every day and not think about when I do leave. I don't bring my work home, as I used to, and I don't get phone calls every day that I'm off. I could legitimately have the opportunity to move up, if I so desired, into a management role, but I don't need to. I might almost want to at this point, to try and improve the work I do, but I know the truth. If I do, I won't be as happy as I am now. (Even if I'm not incredibly happy.)

I'm lucky. I am generally pretty optimistic about people's intentions. Others around me are always cynical, but I'm always looking for the best in people... Until I get to know them. Then I may be more prone to believe one thing over another.

I'm lucky. I'm such a cautious driver, that I have not been any accidents since my first year here. I have lost no points on my driver's license because of speeding. 

I'm lucky. No matter what the price of groceries, I can still afford them.

Im lucky. Because every week I want something that I am smart enough not to go out and buy because that ensures I can get the groceries I need, etc.

I'm lucky. Because I have a gym in my backyard. A fully functional gym. So when I do want to improve my weight and fitness, I don't have to pay money to do it. And I've already done it before, so I know what it is I need to do to back to where I'm content again.

I really think that I'm a happy person. I just have to remind myself of all of these things from time to time. When you spend so much time being unhappy, depressed, it takes those daily reminders to reprogram yourself. And now it's all written down fo me to see whenever I need it. ^_^

Day 5 - The Science of Mondays

Mondays suck. If you listen to popular opinion about the matter, that is. There are hundreds of memes on the subject, and all of them both funny and lame. Here's a funny fact about Mondays. They always follow Sundays. Totally mind-blowing, isn't it?

Today, rather than regale this blog with the details of my day, etc, I'm going to discuss the science of why Mondays suck.

The first one is pretty straightforward:

Mondays suck because you have to go back to work!

Just about anyone that works a desk job has a Monday-Friday work week. Let's forget about retail, hospitality, etc. Mondays are sacred for those areas, because they are usually the first day off after a long weekend of work. I'm very grateful I don't deal with that anymore...

But for those that work Mon-Fri, the weekend is sacred. It's the only time you can get those things done you don't do during the week. Like shopping, hanging out with friends, or... vacuuming, mowing the lawns, laundry, cooking. ughhhh...

This is an accurate representation.

Weekends are the way you plan your week. You set something special for Saturday so you have something to look forward to.  Or weekends are a chore. One big, long chore. I'm pretty sure that the cycle of laundry is never ending. It is our doom.

I wish laundry would wash, dry and fold and iron itself... but it doesn't. Not yet, at least.

So Monday comes too quickly after the weekend chore. You're free for two days to do whatever you want! Not that most of us do. Weekends are for relaxing, but they never are relaxing. And by the time you have started to feel remotely relaxed, it's time for bed to start another 5 days of working.

Boooooo hoooooo....

This segues straight into the next point:

Mondays suck because you have to wake up.

I'm pretty certain this isn't just a me thing... Monday mornings are the hardest mornings to wake up. Over the course of the week, I tend to wake around 5-530 to get ready for work. On Saturday and Sunday, the plan is to sleep in til at least 7. But that never happens. Because by then, I'm so used to waking up at ungodly hours, that I do it all over again. By Sunday night, I'm exhausted. Go to bed. Wake up and struggle to stay awake. If I had a snooze button, I'd press it like 9 times before getting up. It has to be the hardest day to wake up.

So why is that?

I have a theory... Saturday and Sunday, you have all this stuff you want to get done. You wake up in anticipation, but then you never get the sleep your body really feels it needs. Then Sunday night comes, and you start thinking about all of the things you have to do at work that you've kind of let go over the weekend. That report is due, or that person needs to be called first thing, etc etc. And so you go to bed anxious. You are tired before you even complete your sleep. You toss and turn all night, waking up at ridiculous hours. And then it's like you didn't sleep at all. In essence, you probably still had at least 6 hours sleep, but 6 hours of interrupted sleep is still waaayyyy worse than 4 hours of uninterrupted.

However, the final and biggest (to me) of my points is:

Mondays suck because they are the start of a new healthier you.

You spend a weekend eating comfort food, drinking alcohol, or socialising (because heaven knows you can be healthy around other people!) under the pretense that Monday you start a clean slate. You will start your diet on Monday. You will work out on Monday.

Don't believe me? Check it out next Monday. How many people come into work on Monday with salads/ steamed veggies with chicken? Or go to a gym on a Monday morning or night. Now check out those same people on Friday. Are they still having their salad and veggies? Are they still at the gym?

If so, they're health freaks, and they are to be shunned. (Not an accurate representation of my beliefs!) Because every person knows that the weekend is when you can let your hair down. The gym and the food can always return on Monday.

But those that are just into the fad of Monday diets, Monday fitness, they're rarely very serious about it. They always say, "This is the last time," but then they dread Monday's coming, like it heralds the end of their freedom. And as long as people believe that way, they will never ever get fit and healthy.

I started my health and fitness on a Thursday. Just because it was the day I wanted to do it. But that's hardly the point. I cannot say at this point that I'm not in this same camp, as I have done this for a few months now. But I also know that I have it within myself to get to a stage of healthy living, because at one point, I maintained a healthy body weight of 54kg, was a healthy looking size 8, and had all of 22% body fat. So I know I can do it.

Let's leave Monday alone, though! It did nothing to us that we didn't do to it first! I don't have a love or hate of the day. I don't like it or dislike it any more than any other day. Because they're all days to improve myself. If I don't use the opportunity every day, it's no one's fault but my own.

Day 4 - Ipad Test

Today I forgot to write while my computer was on. So I've reinstalled the Blogger App onto my iPad and see how it goes. 

A while back I deleted the app, as it would not let me post directly to my blog. I'd write this big post, and then it would just send it no where. Gave me an error. You know? The works... Anyway, let's see if it can redeem itself today.

The day has been filled to the fullest. I have to start back at work tomorrow, and of course, I didn't prepare myself at all. So laundry. Prepping food for the week (see Day 1 about healthy lifestyle choices) - lettuce, tomato, celery, cabbage, cucumber, onion and carrots all ready for salad-y goodness. Beef brisket cooked in oven (next time I'm totally just going to let it cook for 8 hours in the slow cooker. Hopefully the mess won't be as extreme. Beef curry made up. Roast lamb with veggies for dinner. Then had to spend some time with my friend on the net, and now I will finish the day off with folding and ironing, washing my hair, and moisterising. Need to be up at around 440am for my morning run tomorrow, so off to bed early, hopefully. Maybe a cider will help with that last one.

So yeah... not much time for doing anything else. I've started reading The Crystal Shard from the Drizzt series, so I have that for tomorrow. I also have my ipad ready for writing on the trip to work. And I have my 3DS game, Theatrhythm, to play as well. Almond milk ready for shakes; protein powder ready for shakes. Lunch prepped and dinner prepped. 

Feeling pretty accomplished now. But geez. Why didn't I get all this done yesterday? hah

Maybe I should do my nails tonight too. hmm....

No pictures today... too busy. :)

Day 3 - Interesting Stuff

I wonder if there is such a thing as too-many-options induced-boredom.

Pictured: Movie Pile of Shame

I have multiple interests, and all of those are competing for my time. I enjoy movies. And there are so many great movies that need to be seen or watched again. Currently, I have Boyhood waiting for me to watch it. I desperately want to see Imitation Game and Nightcrawler (both at select cinemas, unfortunately!). I do and don't (at the same time!) want to see Into the Woods. I do because I did it in college and loved it. I don't because I did it in college and hated it. I loved it because it was a fun musical, but I hated it because it was impossibly difficult to sing and not want to kill everyone around me who couldn't get it right. It's Your Fault/Last Midnight is always a nightmare! ughhh I also need to get some time to watch a few of the other Golden Globe contenders like Birdman and Theory of Everything. But they'll probably come later.

Then I have TV Shows I watch. According to my awesome phone app that helps me keep track of my TV Shows, I have 730 unwatched episodes. Now I'll happily remove about 300 of that for anime I haven't finished. But to name a few, I am still behind on Banshee, Following, Blacklist, Hannibal, Homeland, SHIELD, Outlander, Sons of Anarchy (no spoilers!), & Sherlock (Cumberpatch one, not the ugh-worthy Elementary). This list doesn't include shows that are on my Must-Watch-When-I-Have-Time list like Battlestar & The Wire (don't bash me! I didn't have cable TV for years). Then that is on top of the stuff that starts back up soon, that I will watch when it comes on. The shortlist (okay, I think we all know now that my shortlist is a longlist) is Gotham, Scorpion, Agent Carter, and Grimm. Walking Dead, Arrow and Flash have another month before they start, so I have some breathing room there. But then when Mar/April hits, I have Game of Thrones, Bates Motel, From Dusk Til Dawn, House of Cards, and Orphan Black to watch when they come on. Eventually Orange is the New Black will be on again too, as well as Penny Dreadful. 

Now both of these things are hard enough for a single person. But they're even harder when you have to watch certain ones with a significant other. Almost all that I have said here are things my husband will want to watch, so I have to wait for him to have time too! Which brings me to this point... Watching movies and tv shows without your partner can trigger a massive explosion of words and emotions. Just don't do it. Even if you think there is a slight chance he/she wants to watch it, don't do it.

Thankfully, that segues straight into my next point. Books. I love reading. I don't do enough of it. As in, I rarely read actual books these days. The occasional comic book, but that doesn't count. Or does it? It does... Sorry. All reading counts. This does not have to be shared. But my interests align with my husband's, so we often read a book after the other has. I haven't recently, I must confess. And that makes me sad.

Maybe that's what I should do with my time today...

Then my other interest include gaming. PC, console, table top. I love it all. Do I have time to play anything except for Terra Battle or Bubble Witch Saga 2 outside of World of Warcraft? Not Really.... And that's because of World of Warcraft. I play for my friends and for the routine of it. But really, I love to play JRPGs and actions games and adventure games and even the occasional fps. I'm eclectic. I know what I like. And I know what I don't like. Sports games, sim games and strategy games are just not for me. But recently I haven't allowed myself to be called a gamer... Because I don't game. I'm the definition of a girl gamer that says they game then only plays phone games and mmos. That's not real skill... (altho I'm a pretty amazing healer on WoW... gah! There I go again!) So I'm a casual gamer.... And I have hundreds of games (see photo above and replace that image with game covers rather than dvd ones)  that I haven't finished... I have a pile of shame as big as my whole video game cabinet. I think I have finished 15 games over the course of the last 5 years. That's pathetic. Tho admittedly, Bioshock Infinite was one of those, and it's perhaps one of the best games I have ever played. Bayonetta is another. But needless to say, that is yet another direction my focus is split to... When I do decide I want to play something other than WoW, I spend another 30min trying to figure out which one, and by the end of it, I give up and just turn on my phone until someone decides for me what to do next.

I'm so lucky to have so many interests. I'm really very lucky to be able to indulge in any of them at any given time. I know this entire post is a slap in the face to many many third world country residents or even half the population of first world countries. I am not saying I have it rough... All I am saying is that I'm bored... and this is why. 

Day 2 - Not the best start!

Sickkk..... I am sooooo sick today.

Last year I was diagnosed with IBS, which sounds pretty lame and uneventful, but it sucks a big one... a lot...

Donuts and Apples... a recipe for disaster.

I went to a dietician for it early last year and found that if I followed the Low FODMAPS diet plan, I was less likely to have flare ups. So that's what I have done for a year now. Sometimes I haven't been exactly faithful to the program. It's hard to give up bread or wheat or barley... or apples and watermelon... or cream cheese, dried fruit, spicey foods, too much onion and garlic.

Yep... My food life kinda sucks most of the time!

Sometimes I can get away with something. If it's a one time thing and I take a low quantity. Like cheese. I'm good with cheese, for the most part. But bread = disaster.

I had a fruit drink given to me at work once. I picked one that was strawberry and melon. Cuz I knew it would be safe. Halfway through the day, I started to have mild discomfort, and I pulled the juice bottle out of my desk bin (there wasn't anything else in there, thanks!). Should have read the label before drinking it, because it contained 90% apple juice. I knew from that point on, apples would be the death of me. Go figure!

Sad Panda

Anyway. That brings us to today. Yesterday I had my shakes all day and then had lamb chops with baked wedges for dinner. Not exactly bad stuff there. Woke up this morning in a pretty bad state. Sweats, cramps, etc. No more detail required... Needless to say, I have been having a not fun day on my third to last day of my vacation. So sad... :(

And the only thing that I can guess it was caused by was the shakes I had yesterday. However, the first time I did it, I had no problems. Soooo was this just a fluke? Is it just a flare-up unrelated to food habits? Or did the shakes actually give me the needed cleanse a little early? Hard to say. Testing it out tomorrow to see. But today, I just felt too ill to do much of anything. Eggs and bacon for breakfast. A handful of nuts this afternoon, and ready for some gf hot dogs tonight. Fingers crossed it settles soon!

(Insert New Year's Inspired Post Here)

As per usual, I expect this will never be read by anybody except myself, and I'm happy to have it stay that way. If you've stumbled here, be ready for random thoughts and concerns.



So it is officially 2015.  Huzzah! And not a moment too soon! 2014 was a fine enough year, but I'm ready for a clean slate. That's exactly what I'm going to pretend that today is. The start of a clean slate.





What that means for me, is that I'm going to start this year with a bang. Some of the things I will be doing, I'm convinced I will not end up doing to completion, but some of them, I am dead-set on maintaining. The first of these is my health and fitness. For two years I have slid down on my fitness regime until last year it became non-existent. This morning, I started the year with a 45 min workout session that smashed me completely (it was 30C! ugh!). I then finished it off with a lovely protein shake. 

View expectations Here

My diet for the next week will be these shakes and one main meal (meat and veg only). That way it'll kick start my metabolism (as it is designed this way specifically) and then I'll just maintain the shakes between main meals. I'm looking forward to this! As it means I have less ability to backslide. My main concern every week is that I get too bored with raw veggies and rice crackers. By Wednesday, I decide that it will be an eat-out day, at work, and fail to have my snacks. If I have one of these containers on my desk, the likelihood of this happening will be nil. Not to mention, I have a heap of support from some of my workmates. So for a few months, this will be me.

The second thing I have challenged myself to this year is in regards to my time with friends. I have a bad habit of not talking or seeing my friends throughout the year. We always catch up and say, "Let's do this again soon!" But then it never happens. So this year, my goal is to at least attempt to stay in contact. Whether that be through commenting on Facebook, sending texts frequently or actually setting a date and time to see each, I want to make an effort to do it. They deserve more effort from my part. Although, being an adult sucks in this regard. We are all our own worst enemies. With backing out due to sickness (mainly of babies) or just not having time (weekends are for housework, but they're also our only days off! hah), we make plans and then end 'em. Ughh.

Where did that sign come from?

My third point is in regards to my writing. The challenge I have set myself is to be a paid writer by the end of the year. Even if that means I have only been published in a small magazine or website, I do not care. The point is that it is high time I step that much closer to my dream. I know the tragedy is that there are many in my shoes. Talented writers that have still not reaped the success of the JK Rowlings or Stephanie Meyers. I am not saying that I'm as good as JK or worse than Meyers (ughh, I still detest those books), but both sent their books out to be published to over 10 companies and both got turned down until finally someone picked them up. Rejection is just a part of the business. It's how you deal with that that defines you. 

Part of this third point is going to be regularly writing on here. Whether it be about my progress or lack thereof. I have to write for 10 minutes every day here. Hopefully my ipad app will work properly again soon, which will make the process so much easier, as I will be able to write on my trip to or from work.

Also, lastly, but definitely not least, I will be working on my original manuscript again. I'm going to give my book a complete overhaul. Last year, I learned a thing or two about how to polish my stories a bit more. 

I competed in the yearly Flash Fiction Challenge on NYC Midnight. It was a great experience, which I'm going to duplicate this year in the Short Story Competition and again the Flash Fiction later. It helped to teach me about how to second guess myself. Parts that I loved from my stories generally were cut to make for a better story, and that's what I need to do with my book. Over the next few months, I'm going to take a chapter at a time and remove the parts that add no value to the story, and find a way to add more to it, as well.

Words to live by.

Feedback I received from my book last year was that the fourth act was hard to read and even harder to enjoy. Also was told that it felt more like the movie version of a great book that was written, which means, I spent no effort in developing my characters or their setting. This will hopefully be fixed in the rewrite.

I'm feeling pretty confident that I can achieve some awesome things this year, and hopefully all of that will be recorded here. If not recorded, hopefully just realised. Welcome, 2015! May you bring good fortune and success!