Well, I should never have made that last post. I jinxed myself by saying all those awesome things about my writing. But now, I'm hoping I have a little more chance to redeem myself. I started falling back on my writing, and now I haven't successfully written anything for weeks.
I bought this awesome little keyboard for my ipad the other day, and now I'm absolutely loving it! I'm on my lunch break at work, and totally typing away on it like I've got a computer in front of me. It's pretty frekkin awesome. I know! they've been around forever now. And I know! I sound a little old. But I don't care. I'm hoping it will help me well in the way of being capable of getting more written outside of my home.
On vacation as of 3 days' time, and I hope I can manage some very needed me-time. I haven't had the best success lately, but I think things are about to start looking up! Just wish it would happen sooner rather than later. ^_^
Keeping fingers crossed for some good news this week. I know I will have at least one lot of bad news, regarding a recent exam & X-ray for my teeth. I think they're going to tell me one of my wisdom teeth has to come out, which will suck balls. We'll see if there's more news at that point too. That's on Thursday. I also have physio on Thursday, because my neck and leg are acting like dicks. I gotta learn to take it easy on myself when I work out, but I just can't. I like the feeling of fit-ness...
Anyway, back to work, I guess.
Ciao!
15 October 2012
16 September 2012
Accomplished
I am feeling supremely accomplished at the moment. I finally finished the final edit of my book. (That's not a mouthful. hah) I have even managed to transfer it into eBook form. That took a bit of work in and of itself. I originally saved it into pdf form. After the epub conversion, though, it always came out unformatted. After some research, I found out it was because essentially the pdf was a copy of the image. So indentations, margins, and paragraphing were lost in the conversion. I changed it into a rtf, and now my indentations are active. Happy me!
So that was last Tuesday. Then yesterday I completed a short story that I am seriously considering putting into a contest. I'm waiting for a couple of people to tell me it doesn't suck first, though. haha For it I attempted to write something completely out of my comfort zone. It's a sexual horror. I didn't read any material or do any research before writing it. That may have been a mistake, but I can't bring myself to read that sort of thing. Again, another contradiction. But either it will be my advantage or the reason for my failure. I'm okay with that. I didn't invest as much time into the story as I have so many others, so it's a worthwhile effort to see if I can do things I don't totally enjoy.
And now I begin work on another short story. I think that's pretty exciting. I wish I had the time and money to take some creative writing courses just to train me further. But for now, I'm content to be prolific. That means at least I'm creative.
So now I go back to story.
So that was last Tuesday. Then yesterday I completed a short story that I am seriously considering putting into a contest. I'm waiting for a couple of people to tell me it doesn't suck first, though. haha For it I attempted to write something completely out of my comfort zone. It's a sexual horror. I didn't read any material or do any research before writing it. That may have been a mistake, but I can't bring myself to read that sort of thing. Again, another contradiction. But either it will be my advantage or the reason for my failure. I'm okay with that. I didn't invest as much time into the story as I have so many others, so it's a worthwhile effort to see if I can do things I don't totally enjoy.
And now I begin work on another short story. I think that's pretty exciting. I wish I had the time and money to take some creative writing courses just to train me further. But for now, I'm content to be prolific. That means at least I'm creative.
So now I go back to story.
01 July 2012
Struggles
I've been struggling lately. Emotionally, mentally, and sometimes even physically. I've changed so much in my life over the years. Pushed myself out of my comfort zones, and now I'm feeling myself fall back into them.
I haven't written since March. I can make every excuse in the world, but I think it's mainly because I've given up hope to actually do anything else with my life. I fear I'm falling into depression.
My work life has been just as bad. I've become stressed so bad I forget simple things. I'm feeling both useless and angry all the time, and I'm not that kind of person. It's affecting my relationship with my bosses, and I am so afraid now that I'm far from redemption. That scares me and has started to make me wonder if I'm not cut out for all this. I'm a fighter, but I can feel that fight failing out of me. I sense that a certain kind of apathy has started to fall over me.
I guess that's why I'm writing this. Hopefully something will trigger in my head and make me kick myself back to my senses. I'm a generally happy person, and I'm happy with everything else in my life. I love my husband, and I like that we don't struggle to make ends meet. It's not a perfect existence, but I've had a hell of a lot worse!
I just want to be back to my normal self!
I haven't written since March. I can make every excuse in the world, but I think it's mainly because I've given up hope to actually do anything else with my life. I fear I'm falling into depression.
My work life has been just as bad. I've become stressed so bad I forget simple things. I'm feeling both useless and angry all the time, and I'm not that kind of person. It's affecting my relationship with my bosses, and I am so afraid now that I'm far from redemption. That scares me and has started to make me wonder if I'm not cut out for all this. I'm a fighter, but I can feel that fight failing out of me. I sense that a certain kind of apathy has started to fall over me.
I guess that's why I'm writing this. Hopefully something will trigger in my head and make me kick myself back to my senses. I'm a generally happy person, and I'm happy with everything else in my life. I love my husband, and I like that we don't struggle to make ends meet. It's not a perfect existence, but I've had a hell of a lot worse!
I just want to be back to my normal self!
01 January 2012
Reflections, Again!
2011 was a bit like a moody woman. It couldn't decide whether to be kind or cruel or optimistic or negative. A bit like me, sometimes.
A year ago today, I would have never guessed how much the year would change me. In two weeks' time, I'll be remembering one of the most dramatic experiences of my entire life. One that will probably remain has one of the most memorable I'll ever have.
On 13 Jan 2011, we were scooping up the remains of our home and contents. We had officially survived the first of many natural disasters of the world. Our livelihoods had not. For over a month and a half, everything was up in the air about how our insurance would cover us. We were insured, for certain, but were they going to be honourable or be dicks? Lucky for us, they were fantastic. The process was slow, but we showed patience. We had changed. For the better. Our perception of the world had altered, and we were better people for it.
I can't honestly say that stayed the same. We changed in the first few months. We became more patient, more willing to understand others' perceptions, and more social. My husband and I had come through a dark patch relatively unscathed, and we owed it to the universe to be more than we were before.
So that's what we tried. Straight away, we started to look at the people around us and see them with different eyes. It wouldn't last in some counts. There were those that helped us get through it all, and others that helped at the beginning and then seemed to forget what it was that brought us closer. Their loss? Or ours? I'll never know that. And I'll never understand what it was that drove some away while others remained tight.
In addition to all this, we joined a gym in the first quarter of the year. If we had made it through an event as traumatic as this one, then we surely needed to change ourselves inside and out. We had worked on the former, so the latter became our next task. We saw small improvements at first, but after starting to work with a personal trainer, we saw massive results. My husband more than I, but still, results. We were changing more.
Two months after starting the healthy lifestyle, I suddenly got appendicitis, and had to have an urgent surgery. This put me down for two weeks and then another two months before I could get back fully into training.
I can't say that after that I was perfect in my healthy lifestyle journey. I'm still trying hard, but not as frequently as I need to. This is one aspect of my 2011 year that I don't feel I completed a journey on, and trust me, it's one I plan on remedying in 2012.
Not long after all this, I got pushed over into another store in my company. It was a move I was not happy with at all. I didn't cope with it very well, especially after learning more information about it. So I started looking for other work. I succeeded very early on, and started a new job in November. It's been a culture shock for me, but a good one. It's harder, longer hours, but the chance for promotion is better. And I reckon there's a better work-life balance at this new place. Not quite yet, since holiday season is hell in retail. But a lot better than I ever got at my previous position.
And that's just what happened to me. 2011 had good and bad. Tsunamis, earthquakes, floods. But it taught us to be better, stronger people. Some got the lesson. Others didn't. I guess this can be said about everything in life.
One way or another 2011 won't be forgotten for a long time. I'm optimistic that the lessons learned are ever evolving. I can't ask for a better outcome for a stranger, harder year. What I can ask for is patience, from those that are around me. I'm far from perfect, and I still have a long way to go. However, I'm trying. And I think I can honestly say I'm a better person than I was one year ago.
Here's to another year of emotional and mental evolution!
A year ago today, I would have never guessed how much the year would change me. In two weeks' time, I'll be remembering one of the most dramatic experiences of my entire life. One that will probably remain has one of the most memorable I'll ever have.
On 13 Jan 2011, we were scooping up the remains of our home and contents. We had officially survived the first of many natural disasters of the world. Our livelihoods had not. For over a month and a half, everything was up in the air about how our insurance would cover us. We were insured, for certain, but were they going to be honourable or be dicks? Lucky for us, they were fantastic. The process was slow, but we showed patience. We had changed. For the better. Our perception of the world had altered, and we were better people for it.
I can't honestly say that stayed the same. We changed in the first few months. We became more patient, more willing to understand others' perceptions, and more social. My husband and I had come through a dark patch relatively unscathed, and we owed it to the universe to be more than we were before.
So that's what we tried. Straight away, we started to look at the people around us and see them with different eyes. It wouldn't last in some counts. There were those that helped us get through it all, and others that helped at the beginning and then seemed to forget what it was that brought us closer. Their loss? Or ours? I'll never know that. And I'll never understand what it was that drove some away while others remained tight.
In addition to all this, we joined a gym in the first quarter of the year. If we had made it through an event as traumatic as this one, then we surely needed to change ourselves inside and out. We had worked on the former, so the latter became our next task. We saw small improvements at first, but after starting to work with a personal trainer, we saw massive results. My husband more than I, but still, results. We were changing more.
Two months after starting the healthy lifestyle, I suddenly got appendicitis, and had to have an urgent surgery. This put me down for two weeks and then another two months before I could get back fully into training.
I can't say that after that I was perfect in my healthy lifestyle journey. I'm still trying hard, but not as frequently as I need to. This is one aspect of my 2011 year that I don't feel I completed a journey on, and trust me, it's one I plan on remedying in 2012.
Not long after all this, I got pushed over into another store in my company. It was a move I was not happy with at all. I didn't cope with it very well, especially after learning more information about it. So I started looking for other work. I succeeded very early on, and started a new job in November. It's been a culture shock for me, but a good one. It's harder, longer hours, but the chance for promotion is better. And I reckon there's a better work-life balance at this new place. Not quite yet, since holiday season is hell in retail. But a lot better than I ever got at my previous position.
And that's just what happened to me. 2011 had good and bad. Tsunamis, earthquakes, floods. But it taught us to be better, stronger people. Some got the lesson. Others didn't. I guess this can be said about everything in life.
One way or another 2011 won't be forgotten for a long time. I'm optimistic that the lessons learned are ever evolving. I can't ask for a better outcome for a stranger, harder year. What I can ask for is patience, from those that are around me. I'm far from perfect, and I still have a long way to go. However, I'm trying. And I think I can honestly say I'm a better person than I was one year ago.
Here's to another year of emotional and mental evolution!
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